NFL Picks - Week 6

Today, my friends, we welcome another psycho into the Ward. This particular gentleman, we affectionately refer to as the Virus. The Virus is a die hard Redskins fan, who also somehow likes the Lakers. The Virus' pet peeves are hockey, soccer, and celibacy. His continual thirst for education keeps him at the University of Maryland, despite his hatred for their football program. He thinks Gary Williams is the greatest recruiter there ever was, and that he and the Jon personally ruined LaVar Arrington's career. The Jon is deferring this weeks picks to the Virus, and will count them towards his own yearly record. Without further adieu, let's get to your week 6 picks. Enjoy.


Indianapolis(+1) over Baltimore:

It's just a matter of time before Peyton and the gang get things going. Bob Sanders is obviously out but I'd think the Indy D can still afford to put 8 in the box and stop Willis and dare Joe Flacco to beat them. The Ravens got hosed last week and should be at least 3-1, whereas the Colts got lucky last week. Having said that, I don't like a rookie head coach and a rookie QB going into Baltimore and stopping Peyton and Co., even if they've been underachieving this year.

Minnesota (-10.5) vs Detroit:

I'm gonna have to push.

Obviously I jest, the Lions may have earned the title of "Suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked." I think Gus will have a lot to celebrate about this Sunday, which isn't necessarily a good thing. Look for AP to follow up Oklahoma's win (whoops) with a dominant performance of his own.

New Orleans (-7) over Oakland:

TOUGH, tough loss on Monday night. I'm wondering how much they have left in the tank after such a kick in the stomach, especially playing on a short week. If this was any team besides Detroit, Oakland, or St. Louis (Yes, I'm excluding Cincinnati and Houston), I'd take the points. Sorry Al.

Atlanta (+4) over Chicago:

Atlanta is 2-0 at home, Chicago has Kyle Orton. Granted, Kyle Orton has looked better lately. But something about a pig and lipstick. I don't really remember. Matt Forte is a beast, the Bears' defense is still the Bears' defense, but Atlanta has surprised a lot of folks this year. Plus, Atlanta gave me this, I can't in good conscience pick against them. Like, ever again.

St. Louis (+13.5) over Washington:

I'm just picking this because I don't want to jinx my boys. We've all seen how much of an offensive genius Al Saunders is. There are a couple things that worry me here:

Washington is coming off two of the most emotional and hard-fought wins a team can get in back-to-back weeks, barring some form of tragedy (Sean Taylor, Matt Bryant's child). Can they keep it up for a team that they should demolish? This'll be a good test for Zorn's motivational skills. The Redskins have no business scoring less than 30 and giving up more than 7. Having said that, I'm terrified of a let-down game

Denver (-3.5) over Jacksonville:

A few favorable calls and circumstances have put Denver in the driver's seat in the AFC West. Meanwhile, the Jaguars are coming off of a tough loss on Sunday night. Jacksonville isn't good enough to make you rich, and they're just bad enough to make you poor. At least Tony Kornheiser loves the city.

San Francisco (+4) over Philadelphia:

I've always thought Andy Reid was possibly the most overrated coach in the league. He and Tony Romo make such horrible decisions that if I was a fan of either team, there would be bits of skull stuck on my walls for YEARS now. And this isn't referring to anything specific, it's just that this Reid-McNabb marriage has had it's run...they pumped out a couple nice looking kids, bought a nice house, made some money a few years back when the housing market was in its prime, and now it's time to cash out and cut their losses before McNabb's inevitable hospital bills put the couple in the poor house. To quote Dwight Schrute from The Office, "Frankly, I think they both could do better." McNabb moves to a lesser division (AFC North...kidding), Reid becomes an Offensive Coordinator on a defensive-minded squadron (Baltimore after Harbaugh gets canned). Anyways that's my rant. I think Philadelphia will win, I just don't think it'll be by 4.1 or more. Martz is doing some nice things, especially now that Alex Smith's little girl hands are outta the way.

New York Jets (-7) over Cincinnati:

It's unfortunate that Cincy won't get to capitalize on the headlines this week exposing them as temporarily NOT the most insane team in the league (See: Cowboys, Dallas). But I think the Bengals are too much of a joke and already have no shot at the playoffs, while the Jets are playing in a wide-open AFC East and need to win to stay alive. The Jets are motivated by staying in the playoff race, and the Bengals are motivated to win the title of "Worst Bengals Team Of The Past 15 Years." Neither will happen without hard work and dedication, and I feel that both teams are up to the task. I like Marvin Lewis though...I don't look forward to the day when some deranged Bengals fan (Chris Henry, I'm looking at you, though I'm not sure you're a fan considering you're at games less than most people in the stands) dumps his body in the river.

Miami (+2) over Houston

I really like what Tony Soprano has been doing down in Miami. Here I was the past year and a half thinking he was somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. I really like how that last trip to Miami with Paulie didn't sour him on it. It really is a lovely city. Plus, he's got a very sophisticated football mind, which was evident when he was telling AJ "You gotta watch the ball, AJ, The ball!" You can't teach instinct, and with statements like that, he's clearly got it in droves.

But seriously folks, it makes me REALLY sad to pick against Steve Slaton, after he shredded Maryland cheese/lettuce/papers of a Fortune 500 company whose top executives are about to pull a Greg Lougainas from 75 stories. Anyone who beats Maryland is OK in my book. Sorry, Steve, I just can't pick against Tony. Oh I also think that the direct snaps add a level of fun to any game, even though Ronnie Brown is Auburn scum. Roll Tide. At a 2 point spread, you're basically asking yourself who is going to win? I just don't think Houston can do it.

PS - I honestly think of the two Texas NFL teams, I would rather be a Texans fan right now. They may be bad...but no one in the locker room is gonna end up killing each other by the end of the year. That's all you can really ask for these days.

Tampa Bay (-3.5) over Carolina:

I don't really have much to say on this. Apparently Jake Del Homme still plays. I'm still grateful for him beating the Cowboys that one day when he was on the Saints like 10 years. I think it was him. Either him or another J. Del. Something. John Hobby. Something like that. And Steve Smith has that little twinkle of "psycho" you want in a WR these days. Having said that, Tampa's at home, take the points. And for the love of God, please stop DeAngelo Williams.

Green Bay (-4) over Seattle:

Finally. FINALLY. I don't have to hear "If there's one coach who knows Brett Favre's tendencies, it's Mike Holmgren" in reference to a Seattle - GB game. Sorry Mr. Brimley, Aaron Rodgers is gonna have a strong game this week, though it'll be nice for Seattle to finally have NFL receivers on its roster. That'll make things easier for Charlie Frye, right?

Poor Seattle...the Mariners had the 2nd worst record in baseball, the city's NBA fans still can't sit down without it hurting, and the Seahawks just can't get healthy together. At least they're plenty aware of the diabeetus.

Arizona (+4) over Dallas:

I had to do it. I can pick against the Redskins, but I can't pick Dallas. Make of that what you will. After the week they've had, and Terrence Newman being out, and Roy Williams being out (though that may be a good thing for the Cowboys), the Anquan Boldin-less Cardinals, Breaston and Fitzgerald can torch the Cowboys' secondary like the Skywalker Ranch (It took me this long to make a Star Wars reference?). If...IF (I wish there was something higher than Caps Lock because I can't write "IF" big enough) IF the Cardinals offensive line can keep Kurt Warner upright, and IF (a conjecture meaning "in the event that" or "unconditioned that") the Cardinals Defense (wow my computer almost blew up when I those two words next to each other) can screw with T.O. just a little bit, the post-game press conference for Dallas will be worth watching over and over. Sorry for all the parenthetical comments, my mind's too busy to only concentrate on one thing at a time.

San Diego (-2.5) over New England:

I'm picking Norv Turner over Bill Belichick? Am I drunk? Yes. But don't let that influence you. San Diego is two plays from being 4-1, while New England's quarterback is Matt Cassel. I hate Philip Rivers as much as the next red-blooded, God-fearing American, but the man can outshoot Matt Cassel any day.

New York Giants (-7.5) over Cleveland:

It's clear to everyone that Derek Anderson's contract negotiations with Lou Siffer have stalled, and it's affecting everyone on the Browns. The way Braylon Edwards has looked this year, it's hard to remember that he wasn't drafted by the Lions. Jamal Lewis has more miles on him than Jenna Jameson, and Romeo Crennel hasn't been the same since his daughter, Laura, finally got together with Steve Urkel. Meanwhile, Eli's suddenly being touted as being "Better than Peyton." Ignore the fact that that sounds like a great name for some crappy 80s band for a minute. Has anyone EVER gone from "underrated" to "overrated" SO quickly? And if he was so underrated before and now he's being overrated, does that just make him "rated?" And what happens if you eat pasta and antipasta? Things to ponder while the Giants comfortably move to 5-0.